I started this blog because I feel that I have lots of things to share about. Since I was little (8 years old) until very recently, I used to have a journal, a diary. I used to write poems and some silly girl stuff n_n. I no longer think like I used to (thank God!), but I feel that it used to be easier to write and to express myself years ago.
I feel that my thoughts are about to explode in my mind. A lot of emotions spinning around me are driving me crazy. I will try to catch them, to "transmit" them.
I don't even know where to start from!
God I'm thankful!
I am sitting at the table of the beautiful home God has given me. I am waiting for a husband who's tender and kind to me. I came back from a job that dries me out but that I love. I came back with smiles in my mind. With sad faces in my mind. Sometimes I have to admit (well... not sometimes, but most of the time) that I have to say to myself not to be too attached to those things... I mean... I recieve them with all of my heart, but there is certainly a very thin line there. I can say that Jesus is my satisfaction, but if I'd lose everything tomorrow, would I be so firm as Job? would I be quiet and listen? I hope I would.
God has been more than good to me. He has taught me a lot. I can say that I am free, free to worship Him, free to enjoy Him, free to forgive, free.
Deep in that joy, that joy of having a life that I never imagined, a life that I couldn't even dream of, there is pain. My heart wishes to get to Him. My heart wishes to be there in His presence. My soul cries out for Him.
My soul cries out for the world. It is amazingly strange how the heart transforms into what He wants. I cry a lot (I think that being a woman has something to do with it). I cry for my students. I cry at their looks, so many sad eyes, so many empty looks, they are so young!!
He is True. I've felt it in my bones.
There is no way I could've endend where I am with the things I've done. I am the selfish one, the greedy one, the envious one, the drunk, the murderer. That is who I am.
Another thing to be thankful. Music.
My soul enjoys music. I am not a good singer, but I do sing my lungs off when I am alone at home. "There is nothing like Your Love". The sound of the instruments are just amazing. David Sylvian and Ryuichi Sakamoto. Great for any calmed afternoon.
A very dear friend of mine was recently diagnosed with SLE. I felt so bad because I hadn't been in touch with her for four years maybe. (Alone in Kyoto, Air). Funny thing. I am constantly visiting her at the hospital and I had also lunch with one of my best friends today. I have talked to my favorite cousin (that I haven't seen since Christmas) and I visited my mother in law this weekend after a long time (we always say she lives too far away but we have no excuse).
No comments:
Post a Comment